You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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