thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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