I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
