just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
