Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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