I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
