How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
