the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
