I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
this boner is exhausting
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
