Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
