I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
