she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
