so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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