ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
