I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she peed on how many people?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
