So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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