I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
