so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
