Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
