I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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