Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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