i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i love accidental penises.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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