So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
