"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
