You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
no, he came in my armpit
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
