$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
