I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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