I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
