i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
