I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think a kid would responsible me up
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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