hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize