More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
