nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
