And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
