Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
