Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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