i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
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I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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