If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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