He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was born a porn star she said
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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