they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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