my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
