Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
