Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
