that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
