Fine. I'll sleep in my office
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
