kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
