hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
