i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
