Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
