That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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