You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
