Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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