I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
