The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
