Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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