3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
