I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
