I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
