What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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