So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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