What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
