ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize