Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
