Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
