Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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