i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize