I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
