pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
