I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
