Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
