I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My ass is underappreciated
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
