im about as happy as oj after his trial
im six kinds of drunk right now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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